


xisoning | wrong number AU

by plincess_cho (ai_hao)



Series: Fic Requests [47]
Category: Super Junior
Genre: Author: Ai, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-03
Updated: 2015-04-03
Packaged: 2018-03-21 03:23:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,785
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3675576
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ai_hao/pseuds/plincess_cho
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>AU Prompt: "‘I called the wrong number and started talking about my life and you only interrupted me after a few a few minutes of me revealing some pretty personal stuff and now youre invested in my life troubles" AU</p>
            </blockquote>





	xisoning | wrong number AU

**Author's Note:**

> AU somewhat stolen from this: http://thedayafter.livejournal.com/15194.html

"I have had a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day," Zhou Mi sniffles into the phone the minute the other party connects. Without waiting for another greeting, he launches into a narrative of his woes. "First, I missed the bus, which wouldn't have been that big of a deal since I was catching an earlier bus anyways, but then it started _snowing._ Except the weather forecast hadn't predicted precipitation so I had my _leather Italian loafers_ on, and now they're ruined. Then, once the second bus _finally_ came, I realized I left my bus pass in my Prada bag instead of switching it over to my Gucci bag, so I had to walk _all_ the way back to my apartment to get it. So then, when I _finally_ got on the bus, this creepy guy sat next to me and kept trying to sell me drugs. Do I _look_ like someone who wants to buy drugs?" Zhou Mi pauses for a breath as a realization hits him. "Maybe I _do_ look like someone who would buy drugs because I ran out of moisturizer this morning and so my face is _disgusting_. Ugh so then, I'm pretty sure I failed my Textiles midterm where the professor _already_ hates me because I questioned her use of fabrics in class. But I mean seriously: silk was _not_ the appropriate material for those couch pillows. So everything was pretty much miserable but to make things worse, I think my roommate is avoiding me because he hasn't been at our apartment for like _three days_ and he replies to my texts in short, one word answers so I'm pretty sure he hates me now. Even though I didn't _do_ anything. And finally, we have no food so I had to run to the minimart after classes - the _minimart_ because all of the zipcars were reserved - and I ran into my ex-boyfriend's sister and she saw me with my gross face, so now she's going to go back to Calvin and tell him how miserable I look without him and I just can't have that. Ugh, I want to go back to China," Zhou Mi winds down and finally takes a series of deep breaths.

"So you had a shitty day and now you want to leave the country?" the voice on the other end of the line says. "That's a little dramatic."

Zhou Mi's face turns a bright red as he pulls the phone away from his ear and realizes that he dialed the wrong number. "OmigoshIamsosorry," he spews out. "I dialed the wrong number and just told you my whole life story and..."

"Hey kid, chill," the voice says. "What's your name?"

"Zhou Mi," he replies amidst the throes of utter embarrassment.

"Jomi... Your name is Seasoning?"

"No it's _Zhou_ Mi," Zhou Mi corrects, but the other guy doesn't listen.

"I'm Heechul or as you Chinese people say it, Jin Xi Shee. My roommate's Chinese," he explains. That doesn't explain his _awful_ pronunciation, but Zhou Mi's embarrassed himself enough for one day so he doesn't comment. "Alright, Seasoning, let's start with the biggest thing first: the roommate thing."

"What?" Zhou Mi replies.

"You know, you think your roommate hates you, he hasn't been to your apartment in 3 days, blah blah," Heechul says. Zhou Mi hears a bag of chips open on the other end.

"Wait, you want to help me?"

"No, I want to steal your story for the screenplay I'm writing. Yes, I want to help you," Heechul says. "Tell me about your roommate. What's he like?"

"Oh! He's pretty nice most of the time, when he's not teasing me. He's shorter than me with dark brown hair, amazing brown eyes, acne that he _could_  get rid of if he used the facial products I bought for him, and an _amazing_ voice," Zhou Mi gushes.

"Ooookay, I'm gonna need more details to determine whether or not he's actually avoiding you besides that vivid description of his terrible skin," Heechul says.

"Uhh," Zhou Mi thinks for a minute. "He's a legal studies major, spends most of his time playing some... computer game - when he's not studying of course - and is super into wine. Oh and he hates sappy Chinese dramas. I found that out the hard way." Zhou Mi pats the stuffed manatee sitting next to him on the bed on its head.

"What game does he play?" Heechul asks.

"Uhh... I don't really know," Zhou Mi replies. "I can't tell any of them apart."

Heechul snorts. "Are you at home right now? Go into his room and tell me what you see."

Zhou Mi does as he's told. "I see... a bunch of clothes lying on the floor, some papers, a few textbooks, ew--dirty dishes..."

Heechul munches on his chips while he waits for Zhou Mi to find something useful. "Oh here's something... Seu... ta... keu... laep... teu?"

Heechul grabs a bottle of pop before answering, "Starcraft. He's probably prepping for the tournament this weekend."

"They have tournaments for computer games?" Zhou Mi asks, a confused look on his face that Heechul can't see.

"Does he have any gamer friends?" Heechul asks. "Anyone who he invites over and doesn't talk to the whole time?"

Zhou Mi thinks for a minute. "Yes! His name is Changmin and... do you need a description of him too?"

"No," Heechul replies. "Gone for three days, only responds to texts in single words, and is a notorious gamer... He doesn't hate you; he's just a loser."

"Kuixian is _not_ a loser!" Zhou Mi exclaims a _little_ too quickly.

Heechul takes another sip of pop. "So, when are you going to tell him that you're in love with him?"

"What?!" Zhou Mi squawks. Heechul can't see him, but he can only imagine the general flailing that is happening on the other end. "I am _not_ in love with him."

"Mmhm, whatever," Heechul replies. "Okay onto the ex-boyfriend thing. You need to find someone totally hot to parade around in front of his sister. How hot is your roommate?"

Zhou Mi tries to be objective. "He's... handsome, but in more of a cute, dorky, endearing sort of way."

"So he's not drop dead sexy," Heechul replies.

"Well... he could be! If he dressed up a little and found some better pants and did something about his acne."

"Those are fixable things. What are the chances you can blackmail him into masquerading as your boyfriend?" Heechul asks. He's starting to enjoy this.

"Uhm, 0%," Zhou Mi replies and drops his voice down to a whisper. "He doesn't even know I'm _gay_."

Heechul lets out a cackle that somewhat sounds like a spoon stuck in a blender. Zhou Mi thinks he _sort of_ sounds like the Wicked Witch of the West from the Wizard of Oz. "Seasoning, please. I've never even met you and I know that you're gay."

"You do? How?"

"Besides the fact that you know what kind of shoes you wear, own Gucci _and_  Prada bags, take a _Textiles_  class, have an ex-boyfriend, and are not-so-secretly in love with your male roommate, you just exude gay."

"I'm not _that_ gay," Zhou Mi scoffs.

Heechul rolls his eyes but then remembers Zhou Mi can't see him. "Answer me this, Seasoning. Do you like guys?"

"Yes."

"Do you like girls?"

"No."

"Then yes, you're that gay. And yes, your roommate - what was his name? Kawaii-shan? - probably knows. But he still lives with you so it's not like you coming out of the closet will shock him. Here's what you should do: blackmail him and make him be your boyfriend at some event where you know your ex's sister will be. Make him hot enough that she'll go back and tell your ex how much better your life is now."

"How do I... blackmail someone?" Zhou Mi asks innocently.

"Oh please, Seasoning. Don't pretend you've never blackmailed anyone before," Heechul snorts.

"I... I really haven't," Zhou Mi admits.

"Okay, what you need to do is find out one of his deepest darkest secrets and then tell him you'll tell everyone unless he does what you say.

"But that's so mean!" Zhou Mi exclaims, clearly appalled.

Heechul sighs. "Alright then, give him $50 and promise to buy him Starcraft III when it comes out."

"Okay," Zhou Mi replies slowly. Heechul hears him rummaging around for something. "Hold on, let me get some paper to take notes. Where would one purchase Starcraft III?"

"Here's the address. Ask for a guy named Gunhee: he'll give you a good deal."

"Sweet - thanks!" Zhou Mi exclaims. "So... any chance you know how to un-ruin leather loafers?"

"No, but I can tell you how to buy better drugs than what the guy on the bus was offering you," Heechul replies.

"No thanks!" Zhou Mi quickly exclaims.

"Kidding, kidding," Heechul says. "You'll be alright, kid."

"Thanks," Zhou Mi replies. "I really appreciate it. You probably helped me more than complaining to my mom would've."

"Ha!" Heechul laughs. "Well if you aren't moving back to China tonight, you and your roommate should come over sometime. He and I can game and you and my roommate can... be Chinese together or something," Heechul offers.

"Do you live close to the university?" Zhou Mi asks.

"Yeah, we live in the building across from the university minimart on the north side."

"Wait... you mean Konkuk Hall?"

"Yeah I think so. Hey Hankyung, what's our building called?" Heechul yells to someone in the room.

Zhou Mi can't understand what the other person replies, but Heechul comes back on the line and says, "Wait, what floor do you live on?"

"Third," Zhou Mi says.

"We're on the fourth. Wait, go out on your balcony for a minute."

Zhou Mi opens the sliding door and steps out onto the balcony. He looks up to see a guy on the balcony right above him leaning over the edge. "Oh I know you. You're the kid who spent like an hour folding your silk underwear in the laundry room that one time."

Zhou Mi's cheeks burn with embarrassment. "If you don't fold them appropriately, then they'll crease," he replies.

"Yup, you're definitely gay," Heechul says. "But now you know where I live so you can just come upstairs. We're in apartment 403."

"Cool. Thanks," Zhou Mi says. His face lights up with a smile as he waves and hangs up the phone. "Thank you!" he yells up at Heechul.

"No problem, kid," Heechul replies and then disappears back into his apartment with a smile on his face.

"What was that all about?" Han Geng asks.

"I should become a life counselor," Heechul announces dramatically.

Han Geng just rolls his eyes.

**Author's Note:**

> 1\. Heechul's real Chinese name is 金希澈 (Jin Xi Che) but he's a dweeb and can't pronounce it correctly even after living with a Chinese roommate for 5+ years.  
> 2\. Heechul's laugh sounds like a spoon stuck in a blender. Believe it.


End file.
